Howdy ya’ll, April here just wanting to talk about how important balance is when spending time with your significant other..
I was having a very interesting conversation with someone last week about how she spent her days off. Our conversation went somewhat like this, lets call her ‘silly salmon‘ for fun!
Silly Salmon: So my boyfriend has got four days in a row off this week… It means he’s off when I’m off this week. *pulls unimpressed face*
Me: Is that a bad thing? Do you not do things together? haha
Silly Salmon: Well yeah, we go cinema and stuff but it’s kind of annoying when we’re off together. Those two days I get off I like to spend on my own, not with him.. I feel like he’s always hovering over me waiting to do something together.
My initial thought was, ‘WHAT?! I would kill for a day off with Cole!’
Then I thought about our chat a little more and it occurred to me that perhaps she wasn’t insane… MAYBE SHE WASN’T A SILLY SALMON! Me and Cole rarely get days off together at the moment which means we’re very limited spending quality time with each other, so of course it doesn’t make sense to me why she wouldn’t want to spend time with her boyfriend. Silly Salmon spends a lot of time with her boyfriend and has very little alone time. Silly Salmon isn’t silly she’s actually very clever and has raised a valid point!
It’s important to remember to take time for yourself when your in a relationship even if it’s something as simple as spending a few nights of the week playing video games or finishing that book you’ve been reading for the best part of a year! Don’t ever feel guilty for taking some alone time because it’s a healthy part of being human and something everyone needs.
When me and Cole moved in together this is actually one of the first things we discussed. We had both lived with exs in the past and ended up feeling trapped because of the lack of personal space. Now if one of us wants some alone time all we need do say to each other so we can get the space we need.
IF YOU NEED MORE SPACE:
It’s important to be honest with your partner when you need some time to yourself, if you just struggle on spending time with them you’ll grow to resent them. Alternatively if you just grow distant because you don’t want to offend them by saying you want some space, you’re more likely to offend them by not being honest and making their brain work over time coming up with reasons why you’re acting weird. I find being honest and saying you’d like to do something alone is the best policy! Of course explain that it’s not that you don’t want to spend time with them, it’s just you’ve been in a committed relationship with yourself for years and some quality me time is needed!
IF YOUR PARTNER NEEDS MORE SPACE
On the other side of that, if you find that you’re the partner that hangs around your significant other feeling like a spare part without them; then we need to talk! This is nothing to embarrassed or ashamed of, in fact I find I’m sometimes this kind of partner in my relationship. You love your partner so of course you want to spend time with them but you also need to respect their wishes. Don’t make them feel guilty for wanting to spend time away from you, it’s not because they don’t love you it’s just some people need more time to themselves than others. If you play the part of the bitchy other half, with snide comments and dirty looks you’ll only force them to spend time with you which in the end will most likely back fire on you as they’ll begin resenting your time together. Play it cool, dip your toes in the pool of alone time, you’ll get to spend more time with them when they’re feeling recouped.
Equally it’s always good to look about the amount of time you guys spend together. If you find that a majority of your time is spent having alone time rather than being with your significant other perhaps question why that is.
- Do you prefer your own company to theirs?
- Are you happy when you spend time with them?
- Are you avoiding spending time with them?
I know when I was living with me ex my answers were; yes, no, and yes… I ignored this though and had a pretty messy break up. If you answer in a similar way I would look at addressing these issues, working with your partner to fix them or explain to your partner how you feel and see if they feel the same. Life is too short to spend it with someone you don’t enjoy being around so never settle for that.
Your take away for today is this:
- Alone time is important and completely normal so don’t feel guilty about it.
- Be honest with your partner about wanting more personal space, they’ll understand.
- If you partner asks for alone time, be understanding. It’s nothing to do with not wanting to spend time with you.
- If you’re spending all your time alone, look into that and figure out why you’re not spending time with your partner.
- be happy, respect each others space and cherish to time you do spend together.
Thanks for reading guys, don’t forget to subscribe as it really helps us out! 🙂 Hope you found this post helpful, I would love to know your guys experiences on this topic! Have you ever been in a similar position or needed alone time and not known how to ask? Let me know in the comments down below! 🙂
And remember if you have any other questions or need more advice on this topic both me and Cole are here to help! So drop us a line on our contact page, Get In Touch!
Stay cool, April and Cole xx
p.s Sorry for the lack of posts/ instagram content.. these past few months have been extremely difficult for us but we’re getting back on top of things!